Tears for Fears

I have now made myself a promise, which I must stick to. I will not watch anymore episodes of Eastenders. One tragedy a year please BBC, as Sophie cannot cope with the likes of Jim returning after his stroke left him unable to talk properly, nor can she cope with the fact Jay has now lost his remaining next of kin. Tonight, I bellowed with tears, and have now come to terms with the fact that the reason I am constantly paranoid, worried and oversensitive, is because Soaps bring to life all the things you think will never happen to you...more than 10 times a week, what with Hollyoaks, (recently Max dying leaving his poor younger and adorable brother Tom alone, with once again, no living relatives) Coronation Street and Eastenders. It is just too much heartache. Therefore, I shall soon have more time on my hands so if anyone thinks of any ideas to fill these hourly gaps in my evenings, I should greatly appreciate any response. Ta.

Onto more slightly less melancholic themes, music has taken over my life! I have listened to the Mamma Mia! soundtrack a cool 26 times since downloading it on Monday, and can say with some merit that I now know all the words to all the songs. Favourite is Honey Honey (just cos her voice is so nice) but SOS comes a close second, probably due to the fact Pierce Brosnan is possibly the most unlikely impersonator for ABBA. I have also downloaded Eva Cassidy's latest string of woeful tunes, which has suitably become my wine drinking play list. Chilled and peaceful, a welcome relief from a daily episode of Eastenders.

Funniest thing I saw today: (even though I only watch Big Brother when I dry my hair) *coughs unconvincingly*



Best song I heard today:

Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain, Eva Cassidy. (How apt- aside from the rain part)

Wonders of the Weekend

Ah, a weekend off, lovely :).

After much fussing and faffing yesterday morning I decided to try and figure out my tax rebate self assessment thingy, without much joy. Stupid bloody websites make it so bloody confusing, you wouldn't have thought it was my own bloody money that I was trying to claim back with such difficulty in the first place would you!? Well, after some tears and a cup of tea, I retired to bed. Point number 1 as to why yesterday got off to the wrong start. I wasn't very focused you see, I normally need about 3 days worth of planning to sort my weekend out, and to top it all I wasn't feeling particularly well. I was due to go and see a friend and her two little headaches, but as I decided that being grumpy was the only way forward I said it was probably better if I postponed it to another day. As gardening always cheers me up I went in pursuit of my trowel and tackled the beds. The rear garden was fairly simple and didn't take long, I trimmed the edges and swept the path and was very pleased with my efforts. Stepping out the front door however, I felt a slightly different sense of 'un'satisfaction. I had not weeded once since the plants went in, and funnily enough weeds share the same love of new compost as new plants tend to. So, out came the trowel again, and after what seemed like 5 hours of back-breaking labour, wrestling with many slugs (yuck) and vine weed on the way, it looked, sort of better. After a comment from one of the local dog walkers, 'that's right, he's got the right idea, let the miss'es do the hard work ha ha' pointing towards me and Tom, I felt a little perturbed so got Tom to finish it off by mowing. Then came more uncertainty as to what I should do with the rest of this delightful time off, until I heard a thump, and the buns gave me an idea. In the bath they went, together (without water) until they would damn well kiss and make up and be friends. Half an hour passed and it looked like they had given up fighting. *great smiles of joy as the little buggers had refused to bond again since being separated*

So, this morning I awoke a little more cheery, as the weekend was clearly getting better, this supported by the film Wall-E. Amazingly cute and sad and sweet and all the same time. I also had the pleasure of at last going flying with my Father, Pilot Duckworth as my sister has named him. I won't pretend that I didn't feel like throwing up my Cheerios, or that my face hadn't lost all its colour, but I actually really enjoyed it. I am very proud of my hard-working Dad for regaining his Private Pilot's license, as I can now appreciate how blooming difficult it must be. We were only up in the air for an hour, but it was still plenty of time to appreciate the views over Oxford.

'Golf, Lima, Romeo, Echo, Echo Out.' Roger that.

Bugger Bugger Bugger Bugger Bollocks, Darling

Today has been a bad day. It rained, work took forever to end and I once again sold nothing. I've just checked my bank balance, and I'll suffice to say, I have never experienced being poor quite like I am experiencing it now. Only one month left of decent pay, and then I shall be busking on the streets.

My catch 22 situation comes in the form of being bored senseless all day so much so my words are merging into one another, instead of saying "the rabbit is about to leap or jump off the sofa", I come out with 'Lump', or 'Jeap'. My tiny brain is so confused by this that I carry on repeating each word until I can figure out how to put them back together, and then which word to choose to say. I have done this about 6 times today. I am so despondent while I'm at work that all I want to do is go home and paint, (a way of possibly earning a bit more money) but when I get home and I'm free to do so, I'm so bloody exhausted from doing my 'nothingness' daily role that I'm too tired to do it. So I can't win. And it sucks. I have also established that I can no longer write properly anymore...it's amazing isn't it? How your brain completely shuts down when it's not being used, and you literally have no words left in your head. So I apologise for my poorly written efforts of late, things just aren't ticking along like they used to.

I am hoping for something to look forward to this week, but really, no matter how hard I search, the best I can come up with is a trip to M&S and lunch with my Mother. Which, in fairness I am quite happy about, as she's been away this weekend with my Father, so there was no nice dinner on Sunday night to consume. I just have to pray that I don't moan about my sorry excuse for a life too much, as I fear I may send her over the edge. Bless her, she worries more than my Nanny, which trust me, is more than a crap estate agent with no job to do right now. So, there we go, I have found something positive, it wasn't that hard now was it Sophie? So cheer up you miserable old cow.

Daftest thing I did today:
Left my toothbrush and toothpaste at work

Best song I heard today:
Bluebell Polka, Jimmy Shand

Thing I missed most today:
My mid-week bottle of wine :(

Best photo I took last week:

Beach Boys and Wine

Oh how I've missed alcohol. After a pretty eventful week, didn't I warn you all? I am now finally able to relax listening to the sound of the Beach Boys blasting out Kokomo accompanied by a very large glass of Chenin Blanc, plus the one before that has already been consumed. I am a little drunk as all week I only had one G&T and one glass of Frascati...which might as well have been water it's so bloody tasteless and weak. Give me a bottle of Hardys' anytime. Anyway, as predicted, I arrived at the airport and after 5 troublesome transactions involving my debit card I started to suspect something. So, there I sat, in the South Terminal of Gatwick with a salmon bagel, longing for the Tom Ford sunglasses I'd just spied, on the phone to Natwest just making sure everything was alright. No, of course it wasn't alright, some complete bastard has nicked 200 quid off me in Germany, so "We'll just cancel your card now Miss Duckworth, and send you a replacement in the post in the next 2-3 days". Well, that's mighty handy seeing as I have no money and now I'm at the airport due to go on holiday for a week with no bloody access to any dough! Irritating issue number 1. I won't go into the issues whilst we were on holiday, because quite frankly I am too tired to re-tell the story of the mysterious disappearing/re-appearing A La Carte restaurant Pizzaria Luigi. But I will say, that I conquered two of my fears, firstly going in the Sea, and no I don't mean paddling up to my ankles, nor do I mean, literally 'going' in the Sea, I actually swam in it. And secondly, my fear of flying. This rather subsided whilst the other half was having a panic attack, it certainly put my juvenile and pathetic 'But what if we crash and die?' attitude to bed. Running through the Park Plus car park in the pouring monsoon rain was great fun however, despite having four hours sleep and going to work the next day only to find out I'd still not sold a house all month. Things are just going swimmingly.

Anyway, who cares? My parents have finally got planning permission, my sister seems relatively stuck into novel #2 now and I have kicked off my shoes, (and uncomfortable/impractical work clothes) to eat yummy proper M&S food and have guzzled down my remaining bottle of wine tonight. Good times!! I am going out on Friday night, and I actually have a tan to show off, yippee!

Broody Bones

I spent 6 hours of yesterday with about 15 adults and 8 children. Needless to say I enjoyed messing around with the kids more than I did having the same conversations with each adult. I am such a big kid, it's ridiculous really, I just haven't ever grown up. I mean where's the fun in that? I appear to have one of those faces too, you know, the one where every child under 6 smiles at you even though you're a complete stranger and thinks you look like a clown. Not sure if this is an attractive attribute or not yet. I think it's nice to be the only 'grown up' who gets passed the sobbing child and actually succeeds in stopping them from crying. They always look at me rather inquisitively, as though I should be one of them, but somehow have sprouted ever so slightly longer limbs, and much longer and more pull-able hair. Oh and jewellery, they can't get enough of silver bangles. I think if I ever have children I'll name one Magpie.

Luckily one of my closest friends has two adorable offspring, so if I need cheering up, I can just borrow one or both of them for the day. This is Livi and Jack.

Adorable eh? Well if you don't agree then bar humbug to you. For a Monday I am in a surprisingly good mood, I'll suffice to say it's because I went chore mad tonight. Rolled in from work despite having a £10,000 fall through with an uncharacteristically jovial mood, looked forward to cleaning out both buns (my substitute for kids-much like my sister), put the white-yet-also-multi-coloured washing on, cooked the dinner, re-wrote my CV in preparation for a rather important interview tomorrow night, and wrote my blog. Hurrah for a successful Monday! Let's hope tomorrow is even more successful. Big day tomorrow, I am actually hiding my quiveringly obvious nerves quite well through text.

Most irritating thing that happened today:

Discovered I had lost my camera. One of many, but of second-most importance. I can't exactly take my Hasselblad to Madeira with me can I?

Nicest thing I devoured today:

Close call, the Chenin Blanc I was given for passing a buyer to a surveyor (did I mention how easy my job is?) and the chocolate pudding, the proper one from M&S that I hoovered up in less time than it took to cook it.

Thing I am most looking forward to tonight:

Going to bed with newly washed bedsheets and pj's. Amazing feeling.

Best song tonight:

Artist's Block

I haven't managed to inspire myself recently so the posts have been fewer and far between, apologies to all those who read my blog, (why don't you have a life!?).

Here I sit, desk in the window, looking pensively out longing to be trimming the edges of my neatly manicured lawn. Oh the joy of working on a Saturday, how it thrills me, more so that because I am going on holiday next week (yay!) I am working next Saturday too. Terrific. Can't wait, can you tell from my genuine enthusiasm that I am delighted to be providing my time and effort once again next week? Well, I am not. But anyway, back to the holiday...yes I am poor, no I cannot afford it and yes I don't care. I am spending a week reading books, (probably one, the pace I read at) attempting to bronze my rather anaemic body, drinking copious amounts of cheap Spanish vino and sleeping. I am absolutely ecstatic, only trouble is I shall miss my rabbits dearly. If anyone is interested, this is where I'm staying. Shall update you on my return, no doubt there will be horror stories, there always are.

Back to title of this post, I have been trying, admittedly not very hard, to get back into painting. Thus far, success has not been a word I can relate to. I have gathered images from many supportive fellow colleagues, but have only managed to complete one painting in 2 months, which actually took me 7 hours. So you could say I've done bugger all since, and you would be correct. However, my not so little ears (thanks Dad and Grandad) pricked as a colleague of mine mentioned he would pay rather big bucks for a painting of the Hong Kong skyline. I have a number of images to generate such a painting, just no bloody time to do it. Perhaps after I've stretched my credit card to its limits I shall kick myself into getting it started.

Chores this weekend that will certainly not get done:
Ironing again, yes I will never learn that if you don't wash your clothes and just continue to buy more, more will eventually need washing at some point.
Cleaning the bathroom. The less said about this weekly duty the better.
Hoovering up the hay; my darling Poppy lives indoors...and so does her mess.

Daftest choice of film last night:
The Hills Have Eyes. More like 'You freak, you have eyes don't you so why are you watching this film?' Unnecessary, in a word. Switched off to watch Big Brother, even more of a waste of time.

Nicest thing I'm going to eat this weekend:
Mum and Dad's Roast/BBQ/dessert tonight.

Good film and even better still, music:

The Painted Veil.

Sunday Slumber

Here is my first meme. No clue as to what that is, but here goes:

1) What were you doing ten years' ago?

I was 13 going on 14...my ugly duckling stage, blonde hair growing out to brown, ridiculous set of braces with coloured bands (so 90's) and my Sporty Spice obsession. Yes, all I wore was Ellesse t shirts, Adidas popper trousers, Nike trainers (nothing less) with no make up. And I wondered why I was one of the last to get a boyfriend. Was very popular however at school at this age, as I had just grown out of the cute Sophie, and was ever increasing my talent of being the rebel Sophie, who got away with murder and held the record for the most after-school detentions. Great fun, I loved being respected. Felt sorry for my poor Mother though, who, teaches at the school still to this day, and who usually found out I hadn't done my homework and was in trouble before I did. Grr the staffroom, and grr the ever scary Madame Hearne. She was my French and German teacher, oh what luck, having her for both. She adored my straight A student sister, even though my accent was better, and hated me. I was described as a 'Walkman' by her,'constantly on in the background' so I did what every proud teenager does, quit French just to spite her and replaced it with IT. I was better at German anyway, and only having her twice her week was much less of a headache.

2) What 5 things are on your to-do list today?

Hoovering, although this I will probably make Tom do. I hate hoovering, so awkward and clumsy, and I'm constantly taking chunks out of the walls from wrenching the goddamn thing round the corners of my maze of a hallway.
Clean out Binky, although it's raining so this might be put off til later...
Try not to dread tomorrow so much. I hate working when I know I've got 6 days, so depressing, and my gosh does the time go slowly,yawn.
Change the sheets, this I am sure is meant to be done more frequently, but I really hate stretching my double sized sheet over my King-sized mattress.
Go to Mum and Dad's for Grandad's 96th Birthday dinner...hurrah something fun that involves no cooking.

3) What snacks do you enjoy?

I actually only snack at work, because it's so dull, and in that time I usually eat Tracker bars, and Nutri-grain Bars (trying to be healthy). At home, my current snack is Snickers Ice Cream. Amazing, in a word.

4) What would you do with a billion dollars?

Pay off my mortgage, buy the matching wallet to my Mulberry Mabel Handbag, buy a Z4 even though I'm not old enough to be insured on it, pay for my parent's build, probably buy my sister a flat in London with a garden terrace for the rabbits, and give the rest away.

5) List the places you have lived:

Walton-On-Thames
Pyrford
Woking
Surbiton
Weybridge

6) List the jobs you have held:

Very sick of writing this as have just done my CV but here you have it:
Waitress/Pimms server/Barmaid/Chalet attendant/Coffee shop worker for the lovely Wisley Gardens, Surrey.
Barmaid at Slug and Lettuce, best job.
Administrator at M-Tec, for a week.
Sales advisor in Bernards, fun job, good discounts on amazing designer clobber.
Current position, Sales Negotiator for Curchods Estate Agents (one of very few still standing).

7) List the people you'd like to know more about:

Them, and her.