Rambling

What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What's orange and streaky?

Me.

I thought seeing as I only go out once a year, that I ought to make the effort to look as though I have been making the most of the Sun this week... so out came the 'never been used' fake tan. Nice move Soph. Last Christmas my Grandad kindly bought me some sachets of 'mitt applied' fake tan, despite the fact I asked for Gucci Envy perfume...(but then he is 95 so I'll give him some credit) and on Saturday evening I thought I would give them a go. Little did I know that the stuff dries in about 10 secs and you can't even see where its bloody been applied to, so I thought oh well sod it, I'll just go out and hopefully it will start to show later....THANK THE LORD it didn't. After smelling of biscuits all night, (and not the desired Marc Jacob's Daisy), I got slightly pissed off that I was as white as china plate when I left the party. Only to discover on Sunday morning that I looked like I was doing a promotion for Orange. A bad one, where I'd forgotten half the outfit. In mad desperation and realising it was 25 degrees outside- therefore there was no way I could cover up in jeans all day, I called my mother. 'Get scrubbing!' she said almost offering to come over with some exfoliating lotion bless her. (She had had a similar episode with her feet after overdosing on Johnson's Holiday Skin.) And so I did, 25 minutes I was in the shower, until I no longer looked orange, more red raw instead.

Anyway, it didn't do the trick as today I saw three people looking at my Mark Rothko effect arm as if to say, 'Jesus, you screwed up the fake tan a bit love didn't you?' Yes, well I hold my hands up, I did, and I shall now be pasty forever more.

Housing market is still shite, in fact getting worse by the hour, I keep praying that one of these days I'll sell 3 houses in a row like the old days, instead it's an impossible job just to keep the damn existing ones together. Hey ho, life is tough sometimes I suppose. Better dig that CV out...

As usual my gardening cheered me up no end this weekend and I have some fabulous new plants to show for my giddiness. I should be drinking myself into a stupor considering how poor I am but instead I am cooing over the rabbits and pruning my beloved specimens. Golf tomorrow, yay! Mid-life crisis in your mid-twenties...is that possible?